Spoilt for Choice?

One of the rewards I give myself for achieving my goals for the day is a few rounds of the game Shisen-Sho on the computer. It’s a simple game of matching the tiles to take them off the board. The goal is to clear the board in the quickest time. It is all about the choices one makes. Certain choices lead to a “stuck” situation on the board, end of the game. You can replay the game, make different choices and clear the board. This simple game reminds me that life is a matter of choices.

From the time we awake in the morning to our last thought at night, we are making decisions and choices. We choose what to eat and how often, which impacts on our health so, in other words, we choose to be healthy or not. We choose what to wear or do we? How much are we influenced by others, the media, our friends and family? Mario Martinez, author of the book The MindBody Code, talks about how we are put in a portal of middle age. People start to tell us that we are older and can’t dress in a certain way anymore, or exercise the way we used to. Society says we need to slow down and expect to carry more weight. We choose to listen to them or not, we choose to be middle aged, or not. OK, so age is a thing, a number, but all of us know some person in their advanced years, 70, 80 or older, who defies all expectation and is an inspirational live wire who can do anything they choose with a spring in their step and a mind that is sharp as a tack. Those people do not listen to what others expect of them, they make their own choices to live life their way.

According to quantum physics, the world is what we make of it. The quantum field contains endless possibilities and we choose which one we want. We can choose to focus on the negative, and expand that, or we can choose to see the positive, sunny side of life, and make that grow. Where ever we put our focus expands, it is about the choices we make. There is, however, a catch. You have to live the choice. You can’t choose happiness and then dwell on past memories of hardship and pain. You can’t choose health and then continue to live the same unhealthy life style. You have to walk your talk, put your new choice into action. You have to make the changes necessary to achieve what you desire. If I said you could live a different life but you would have to make 300 to 400 changes in your way of doing things, you would possibly give up before you had even begun. But with one change a day for a year would take you 365 changes away from where you are now. How different would your path be then? Think about it, one teaspoon of sugar less in your coffee, adding in 10 minutes of exercise to your day, going to bed 1 hour earlier. Each small change compounds over time and may just change the trajectory of your life, from stuck to winning.

But what if you think you don’t have a choice? I have to work to make a living. I have to take care of my grown up children. I have to go to school. How do I get to choose my life when there are things I have to do? There is always choice. You could choose not to work, not to go to school, but then you are choosing to be destitute or uneducated. Many of our choices are programmed in by society, our culture, our family and we don’t really think about what they mean or if those choices are really serving us or limiting us. Are we choosing to do something because it is the “safer” option or because it fuels our passion for life? Sometimes we can’t even see what the alternative choice would be, so closed off are we by fear. I say alternative, because we tend to label all choices as good or bad, right or wrong. Choice is just choice. What is good for you is bad for another. What is right for someone else may be wrong for you. We can’t judge or be judged by what is good and right for others. Do what is right for you. Make a choice. Remember that NOT making a choice – is making a choice. This life is yours to fight and struggle through. It is yours to celebrate and enjoy, it is yours to create and it is yours to diminish. Nobody can make you do anything. You decide to change or to stay on your same limiting path. Choose wisely for life is fleeting.

I wish you strength to make new choices, courage to change and the passion to keep moving…

Lessons from a Bicycle

How often do we use the saying, “It’s like riding a bicycle”? It is usually used when we need to do something which we haven’t done in ages and it’s meant to portray the idea that once we have learnt something, we never forget how to do it. There is a gentle smugness that comes with this, a confidence born of experience, the evidence of which provides safe, secure feelings. This side of a lesson learnt is so easy and comfortable that we often forget how it felt on the other side, the before side, when we didn’t know how.

Not many of us remember those first attempts at riding a bicycle. We may, if conscious enough, realize the skill it takes when teaching our children to ride. Training wheels have made it easier but before training wheels… We froze with fear, fell, tumbled, wobbled, crashed, kissed the dirt, and landed in rose bushes. Physically we got cut, scraped, bruised, bumped, grazed and sometimes even broke. Emotionally we laughed with nerves, cried with pain, yelled with frustration, giggled with embarrassment and eventually crowed with delight. Throughout this process we were drawn forward by the thrill of what life would be like if we could ride that bicycle. Nothing could distract us from our mission. Our imagination kept us focused on the goal, the rush of wind in our face from our daring speed, the power of being able to drive and control this glorious machine and the freedom it symbolized. It didn’t take long to realize that if we wanted to stay on top of this sensational ride, we had to keep moving. The minute you stopped moving forwards, you fell off, the ride ended and so did the rush.

As we grow older we hang up the bicycle and forget the lessons it teaches us. We get so caught up in our fear of learning new things that we deny ourselves the dream. We see the cuts and bruises, the grazes and the breaks. We imagine the frustration, humiliation, pain and embarrassment we will feel if we fail or don’t “get it” quickly enough.  We convince ourselves that it is not worth the effort to change because we have forgotten that the other side of learning, the “I did it” side, holds the reward of the rush, the power, the control. So we stay where we are, sitting on a wall, feet dangling while we watch others on their “bicycle of life”. We envy them, what they have, how much fun they are having and we wallow in our misery. We see only their rush, not their tumbles, and we grumble that they have it so easy. We convince ourselves we can’t do it, give ourselves really good reasons why it won’t work, satisfying ourselves that it is beyond our control, so not our responsibility even to try. We stay stuck.

Habits are patterns of behaviour which keep us feeling safe. But habits also keep us living the same day over and over again. If you want a better more fulfilling life you need to do things differently. You need to learn new ways of doing things. We can only grow through change, because let’s face it, you cannot grow and stay the same, they are flip sides of the coin, like light and dark, speeding and standing still. Make each day different by doing small things differently. Walk a different route, drink from a different cup, sit in a different chair. Your quest doesn’t have to be as huge as learning to ride a bicycle. You can start with small steps, one small change every day.

Decide what it is you want and keep focused on the ride, the rush of achievement.  When you tumble or land in a rosebush, get up and keep trying. Remember that if you want to reach your goal, if you want to feel the wind in your face as you ride down new roads, you will have to learn, change, grow and always keep moving…

A Piece of the Puzzle

I made sure my children played with jigsaw puzzles as they grew up, for brain development and hand eye co-ordination. They started with very basic 6 or 8 piece puzzles and built their way to hundreds of pieces as they grew older. There is an addictive excitement to watching the picture grow as more and more pieces are added. Each piece is a surprise. Some pieces make no sense when you look at them individually, but placed in the right place, in context with the other pieces around it, its purpose becomes clear. With all our travels, we always seemed to lose one piece from a puzzle. One feels such disappointment when the last piece is missing, the picture can never be completed. Each piece of the puzzle bears a responsibility to complete the picture. There is a sensation of closure, a task completed when you insert that last shape. The picture gels, it is whole and it is as it should be.

I have done a lot of work on myself in the past few years, training, new ideas, delving into quantum physics, self-help books and courses, on and on. I found myself feeling quite confused with the paradox of oneness and separation. In our human form we are undeniably separate but how do you bend your head around the idea that we are all connected. How can I be both at once? How can I be me without hurting, upsetting or neglecting those closest to me?

Think about a puzzle made of millions of pieces. Each piece is unique. It has its own particular colouring, shape and place. You cannot put a piece in the wrong place. We humans are the same. When we own our “place” we are content and comfortable but if we try to be in the wrong place, if we try to force what we are not, life feels wrong. We battle, nothing wants to work and we feel anxious and unhappy.

Each puzzle piece is surrounded by others but the colours and details that it bears are unique. Each separate piece of the puzzle has a purpose, to be a piece of the picture. We, too, each have a special place and purpose in this world. Who and what we are, impacts on those closest to us. So when we put our needs to one side, in favour of others, we make life difficult for ourselves and for those around us. When we neglect our own human needs, we become “needy”. We compromise our values and get lost in a wilderness of limiting beliefs. Like a poison, this negativity spreads to those around us. As they pull away from the negativity, we feel more separate and alone which makes us more “needy”. In short, we get bent out of shape when we try to please everybody around us.

I realised that I need to own the picture on the piece of the puzzle that is me. I can’t change the picture or the pieces around me. I am in this particular space for a reason, so I need to be my glorious, unique and separate self. Without me, the Puzzle of Life is incomplete. As long as I honour my human needs, my values and my beliefs, I will be the right shape to fit into my world. Trying to be what I am not, means I don’t fit, and this just leads to misery. When I embrace my unique shape, I support those around me, giving them what they need to connect. That certainty of how we fit together brings us all peace and security. It is when I am not separate, when I try to be the same and to fit in, that I have no place in the whole that is the Puzzle of Life.

I wish I had understood this when my children were small. I would have taught them the importance of being a unique piece of the Puzzle, knowing they are good enough, just by being alive. That each of us has a very precious purpose which can only be fulfilled when we accept who we are. Our duty is not to conform to ever changing whims of society, but rather to own our uniqueness. Being who we are makes us separate from everybody else, but it also enables us to fit into, and be a part of, the puzzle that is life.

Until next time, keep learning to keep moving…

Energy – Everyday Magic

When I am asked what I do, I say I work as a kinesiologist. The blank look on the face before me is always a giveaway; I may as well be speaking Russian. So I explain that I work with energy….. and I’ve lost them!  New Age, woo-woo, weird? Not really.

Everything on this planet, and beyond, is made up of energy. We know from our school days that everything is made of molecules, which are made of atoms, which are protons and electrons, positive and negative, energy. If you replace a plug, you will know the importance of connecting the wires correctly. If you don’t the electricity, unseen energy, is likely to cause all sorts of loud bangs, sparks, shocks, melting of plastic and who knows what else. We all have a very healthy respect for electric energy, not because we can see the energy, but because we can see the results of what it can do. Sound waves can shatter glass or show you an image of your unborn child (ultrasound) and an MRI uses magnetic energy to produce images of your physical anatomy. We are very good at believing what we can see but what about what we can feel? Hot water bottles allow us to feel heat energy and static electricity can zap us with sparks. People talk about having a gut feeling, good or bad vibes, or being in a creepy place. We can feel energy if we are aware enough. All of this falls into the “Normal” range.

Let’s see if we can go a little more into our un-comfort zone. People are more aware of acupuncture these days. Many have had dry needling done by a physio but why does it work? The human body is a bundle of energy. Energy meridians run like rivers between the organs and muscles, wrapping around you like ribbons. Chakras, very woo-woo, are energy vortexes, the 7 main, most well-known ones are each over a vital gland in the body. The needles used in acupuncture are interacting with your energy flow, restoring flow where it is blocked much like clearing the debris out of your gutters. Pain is an over energy. Something causes a blockage in the flow so it dams up and overflows, like a storm drain filled with litter.

You don’t have to use needles to clear energy flow. There are many ways to work with energy; sound, touch, visualisation, massage, colour, metaphors, polarity.  Rubbing on a neurolymphatic point for the Large Intestine meridian can result in an instantaneous release of back muscles by restoring meridian flow. A headache may be caused by tension in the gut. Looking at a problem from a different perspective can bring about release in the physical body or re-energise a muscle.

Still not convinced? Why not host a workshop where I introduce you to Energy – Everyday Magic. It’s fun and enlightening and great for a get together with the girls.

Keep learning, keep growing, keep moving…

Life de-‘FINE’d

Everyone knows it’s not cool to complain so we speak in code instead. You bump into a friend and exchange greetings. “How are you?”  How often do you use the word FINE to convey the politically correct, seemingly all happy response? FINE can mean many things, but it rarely means fine; the dictionary definition of the word which is…  “quite well or satisfactory, in a good, acceptable or comfortable condition” (Encarta Dictionary).

If you have just come from unsuccessfully trying to query your municipal account, you are probably feeling Flippin’ Irate, Nettled and Explosive. But we don’t generally feel this way all the time. A new Mum may be Feeling Isolated, Near tears and Exhausted while someone who has started their own business may be buried in Filing, Invoicing, Networking and Excel sheets. Someone who suffers from depression may find themselves Feeling Ignored, Negated and Exiled. Many of us are trying to lose weight but when we are not coping with life, and when we are feeling Flipping Insecure Neurotic and Emotional, we Feel an Intense Need to Eat.

You may argue that it’s OK to say FINE, that maybe you are having a good day. Wouldn’t it be better to say “I feel amazing, thank you”, fantastic, glorious, awesome, inspired perhaps? This is what I call a “Quick Fix” for your toolbox. Just saying these words puts a spark in your day and a little more spring in your step. It lifts your spirits and those of the people you meet. We are so serious and so afraid to be happy lest we shine too brightly. Happiness is contagious, or so the saying goes, but I find that heavier emotions like worry and doubt seem to poison a room so quickly. Happiness dissolves like mist in the morning sun and gloom descends. Everyone is FINE. Work is FINE. School is FINE.

Next time you catch yourself using FINE to define your day, figure out what it stands for and then choose a better word, one which uplifts and inspires you. We make our lives what they are. We choose the narrative. So make your life a better one by choosing better words.

If you find your life to be FINE and you don’t seem to be able to lift yourself to brighter things, contact me and we can set up a free session to help you define what is missing and how to move forward and Keep Moving.